Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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