We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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