I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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