smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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