A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
