and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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