i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
