the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
