i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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