Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
