This is not my ceiling
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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