and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
