Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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