I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
