Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
