i don't like sucking hair
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
