He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him