do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sext me about skeletons
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong