i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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