You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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