if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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