Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
