My sheets look like a crime scene.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
