Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
