My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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