I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
