i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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