I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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