I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
