I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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