If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize