I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
