Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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