I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
