____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
