I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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