please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
