I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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