why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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