I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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