Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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