My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
