Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
