He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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