My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
