Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Rumble strips road head = magical
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
