You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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