I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
