He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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