your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize