You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
