i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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