I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
