i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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