The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
