wrigley field is MILF paradise
I CAN MOONWALK!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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