Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
