they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
