Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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