oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
