So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
