The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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