At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
