Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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