Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
